what a beautiful mess

My babies are growing up and having their own babies.  That looks just like them.   I love that the adorable-ness is being passed on. Don't they just look so much alike? Seeing Weston reminds me of when Emily was a baby. Easy going, knows what he wants, smiles A LOT, and loves having fun! 

There have been so many storms lately. The quarantine storm. The "I'm 40 years old" storm. The literal storm we had last night. (and have had at least weekly recently) But hopefully I'm learning to adjust and adapt to all these different storms. Sometimes it's been easy, and others times it's been really hard. In the right corner of this picture, you can see new light coming. And the storm passed over pretty quickly. And that reminds me that there is always light, no matter what is happening around me or to me. If I just look for it, I'll find it. "Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." John 8:12

It's a thing.  In April of 2020 quarantine-ing is now a thing.  And I'm okay with that, at least I'm trying to be okay with it.  There's been lots of quality time together and a lot of not so quality time together.  Josh can make his own hot breakfast.  We get Emily home. She does online school and we love having her here.   Trevor has given me a head massage once and asks me if I need pain reliever quite often.  (lol) (It makes me wonder how I act- but to be honest,  I think he just cares and wants to make sure I'm not hurting. I love him for it.)  Stephen got a truck but is not able to get his license yet since the drivers license division is closed.  We go for drives sometimes.  Yesterday, we got some sodas and I drove with the kids telling me if I should turn  right, left or go straight.  We ended up in Teton about 26 miles from where we started.  It was fun.  ...

The last time I blogged was in 2015 and it's now 2018. That's really sad. Because I love to blog. I love to sit down and just write out my thoughts. It helps me to remember what I have to be grateful for and all the blessings I've been given on a daily basis. I'm not even going to attempt to catch up on the last 2 1/2 years. But I am going to post some pictures that I've taken lately. This is our most recent family picture taken. At least professionally. And it's beautiful. Here's the most recent one that we've take: Maybe not as "styled" as the other one but it has my most favorite people in it so it's good. I am excited for this new year. Here's a (small) list of some of my intentions for this year: Drink more water Be kinder to people Grow spiritually Eat more veggies Lately I've struggled with anxiety. When I was younger, I struggled with it as well but haven't too much since I was 18. And now it's rea...

Carl was such a good dog. The day he died was one of the saddest days my kids have ever faced. Maybe not the most tragic, but they'd never lost someone that they loved. We had tears for many days and Annabelle can't even listen to the song "See You Again" without crying or wanting to cry. Carl didn't have the greatest dog manners. He slept on everyone's bed, he ate human food as much as he could get away with, and he liked to chase chickens just for fun. He shed a lot of hair and would roll in chicken or cow poop a lot. But we loved him. He was such a good dog and is so very much missed! I look through our old photos and I see so many with Carl just off in the background or right in front of the camera without us even realizing it. He just became a part of our lives. I found this picture and I had even forgotten it had ever been taken. We have Maria now and we love her as well. But I think we will always, always miss Carl...

How have I gone so long without blogging about life with teenagers? It's fascinating and scary and confusing and fun. And sometimes there are bras just lying around the house and nail polish constantly on the kitchen table. They say funny things and insightful things. Stephen may not yet be a teenager but just the other night I was looking at a picture of our family and I mentioned how I thought I looked fat (not that I was fat, just that it was an unflattering picture- big difference) He said "maybe you're just standing by really skinny people." Touche. See? Funny and insightful. I've noticed that many times raising teenagers can be confusing. I can say something one day and it's okay, but the next day, it can cause many, many tears. You don't know this but I just took a break from writing this blog to go yell, I mean tell my kids to be quiet and to go to sleep. They argued with me and so they can no longer say another word the whole night. And yes, i...

I got on the computer today to get a teriyaki sauce recipe and realized my memory card from our camera was stuck in the right spot to pull pictures from so I thought "why not put some pictures out there in blog world?" I looked at the pictures on the card and realized that they are mostly pictures of Anna and Maria. So this blog post is dedicated to them. Those two love each other. I love Annabelle and am learning to love Maria. She's a good dog but is still a whole lot of work! But she takes the place of another child and is lot less expensive than one, so we welcome her into our home! Love,  Sarah

She makes me happy. She is stronger and better than she even knows. I can't believe she is already fourteen. Sometimes I still just want to cuddle her and snuggle her...but she's not a baby anymore so she won't let me. I'll take a hug though anytime I can get one from her. Happy Birthday Emily Delight. We love you!

No really, you should because it is really good and really inspiring. http://www.richardpaulevans.com/saved-marriage/ I love marriage. I love that it makes me want to be a better person for Trevor and that it does make me a better person.  The relationship I have with Trevor is the most important relationship I have on the earth. I hope that you feel that way about your spouse as well!

Joshua is getting baptized tomorrow morning and we are so happy for him! Our last, our baby is becoming responsible and accountable. Its kind of hard for me to let that go. We have family here visiting so that they can be there for him tomorrow. I appreciate so much their willingness to drive all this way to support him. We really do have the best family!

Tonight Joshua read us his favorite scriptures. 1 Nephi 8:10-12. When we asked him why he likes those scriptures (which are about the tree of life) he said because he likes fruit and trees and rods. He gets baptized on February 28th and I really, really hope he is ready. He's excited so theres that. But he's also silly and has a hard time answering a question seriously. Its going to be a very bittersweet day for us! BIG NEWS: I got a job today. I wasn't looking for one necessarily but a friend of mine works at the school as a secretary and they needed someone to help out from 11-1. So I applied and I didn't embarrass myself too much during the interview...so they offered me the job! I'm super excited. Like really excited! My first day is tomorrow so keep your fingers crossed that I do okay!

Emily was blessed with her dads lips. She looks fantastic in lipstick. It's always been a favorite thing of mine to apply the brightest red lipstick we have and make her pucker for the camera. Beautiful.

When life gets crazy, something has to be neglected. It's better for it to be my blog than say, my kids, or my dog, or my husband. It was a spur of the moment thing that I decided to get on here and type and it feels good. It feels like home. It's been almost 3 months since I've last blogged and I'm just now realizing how much I've missed it. I've had a lot on my mind lately. It seems like my mind just flits around from thought to thought like feathers in the wind (Forest Gump anyone?). I go from happy thoughts to sad thoughts to deep thoughts and then back to happy thoughts. I think I'm still dealing with emotions from the accident. When I think what could have happened and what actually happened, then I start to get depressed. Especially when I think of what I could have done to Trevor and what I did do to Trevor. It doesn't' make any sense to anyone but me. And I can't even try to explain. I am grateful though to be where we are at now. I...

Trevor took this picture and we were like "WHAT? Emilys reading!". It doesn't happen often. We've started a new rule for Sundays- no electronics. I'd say she picked a mighty fine thing to be doing instead of being on her phone....

Lately it seems my mind flits around from thought to thought and never settles on one. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm discouraged. I'm weak one minute and strong the next. Seriously...how am I supposed to come up with something to blog about when I can't settle on any one thing? But Trevor likes when I blog because he says it gives him more insight into my brain. So for that reason and because my family likes it, I'm going to try. And the winning thought goes to......: Date night. Cause it's Friday night and that's generally what we do. Tonight we are going to go see Intersellar and I'm super excited! We've been seeing the trailer for it for months and have been so anxious to see it (at least I have!). Trevor and I love going to movies together...like it's probably our favorite thing to do together. Last week we celebrated our 15th anniversary and we had an amazing day together. Trevor planned it and we did all the things we've loved to do tog...

Right now Carl and I are laying on my bed resting. He's sleeping and I'm relaxing with my hot, well slightly warm now, rice bag. I've done all the things on my phone I generally do in the morning like look at craigslist,  read Houzz.com, check my email....and now updating my blog. I drank my chocolate milk and got the kids off to school with a warm breakfast in their bellies and their packed lunches. I've listened to the chickens cluck their eggs out and I've put dirty clothes in the hamper and towels in the wash . It's been a busy morning...I think I deserve a quick nap... (Hi trevor! I know you're reading this at work...you should come home early and take a nap with me ;) just kidding...kind of)

And by the A word I mean accident. I get tired of talking about it, thinking about it and living it. The kids have healed so well. The only problem is Emilys backpack hurting her back from being so heavy. Hopefully we have a solution for that that she'll be ok with. (I have my douts...Vans do not make a backpack with wheels) There isn't a morning yet where the first thing on my mind is something other than my neck and the same thing goes for the last thing on my mind before I finally fall asleep. I went to the doctor again this week for xrays and a check up. Trevor came away feeling great about it, I came away slightly discouraged. The surgery part of my neck is healing perfectly. However until an issue I'm having in the vertebra below the surgery sight resolves, I have to keep getting xrays. Granted I don't need them again until December but still it could go on for a long time... I can now lift up to 25 lbs and exercise more which is great. But I have to stay inside...

Emily is in 8th grade, Annabelle is in 7th grade, Stephen is in 5th grade and Joshua is in 2nd grade. They all had a really good day. Everyone came home happy (although Anna didn't stay that way!) And are ready to go back to school tomorrow. Trevor took me to lunch at the best Mexican restaurant. And tomorrow I get to go to lunch with one of my favorite people in the world. So all in all, a successful start to a new school year!

This past year, Stephens been in 4H raising and training cows/calves. For the most part he's really enjoyed it. This last week they entered their cows into the county fair. Stephen did a really good job. There were lots of things they were judged on but I can't remember them all. However he did win 3 first place ribbons! We were so happy for him and proud of all the hard work he did to train his cow.

A great day! Joshua got the go-ahead from his doctors to stop wearing his brace and we are so flippin' excited. I couldn't stop smiling after his appointment, I was so happy. It feels a little bit like closure. I think we all feel a little more healed emotionally. It hurt to have to tell him that he couldn't do things and have to comfort him while he cried. But he always took it so well and had such a great attitude! He starts school next week and as long as he has good neck movement, he won't have to have any restrictions; he can be a normal little boy again! Today we were able to visit with aunt chelsey while in Salt Lake. We love that girl! The kids were so excited to see her and we had a great time visiting with her. We will never be able to thank her enough for what she did for Joshua and us... It was a really, very, most definitely, great day. As we turned onto our road at 10:30 tonight, Trevor said that it was his favorite turn of the day. We all definitely a...