Where does one start after coming back from an absence of 3 months? Life is not the same now as it was back in April. For better and for worse. Now days, we are much more laid back. We sit around a lot, never getting in the car unless Trevor is driving; we watch Psych and Cake Boss and Good Luck Charlie all day long, interspersed with house work that takes twice as long as it used to.
Back in May, Trevor and I went to the Bahamas and spent long days in the sun, holding hands and wandering the island. It was a full week of missing the kids but enjoying our time together. We came away more aware of how much we love being home as a family and while trips away are good, we'd rather be home together. Of course, starting Monday of each week, we start looking forward to Friday night when we get a precious 4 hours out together with no kids...
This past year, at least since Joshua started first grade, has been the toughest year of my life and I don't say that lightly. I've struggled with identity issues and feeling secure with who I am. Once all my kids were in school all day long, I no longer had anyone needing me and I got pretty tired of myself. Sounds ridiculous, right? It was. However many times during the past year, Heavenly Father has given me experiences that have comforted me, making me aware that He knows me, my circumstances and my struggles. He loves me.
A couple weeks before our accident, I was out on a run. It had been a bad day. I was frustrated and I felt overwhelmed, wondering how I was going to accomplish everything that needed to be done by the end of the day. While I was running, I looked over into the sagebrush and saw the most beautiful bouquet of flowers that had just grown up out of the ground in the exact spot that my eyes wandered to. I knew that the Lord was comforting me. The beauty of what I saw stayed with me the rest of the night and throughout the next two months, even now. I know that He is aware of each of us. I know that.
"...I will go before you face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."
Ask any of us and we will tell you, testify to you, that angels were with us during our accident. They protected us, they saved us. We are eternally grateful to our Heavenly Father for being aware of us, concerned for us. Out of 7 billion people in the world, many with harder trials and much more difficult circumstances, He still gave us miracles. He showed us how much He loves us.
We have had angels since then, bearing us up. They've come and stayed with us, making meals, doing laundry, cleaning the house. Our ward has constantly made sure we had what we needed. Friends and neighbors have helped out without asking, just doing. Our parents and siblings have gone above and beyond what was needed and loved us.
This picture is still hard for me to look at but it's getting easier. It helps for me to remember that we came away with blessings, not trials. We can deal with our injuries as long as we are alive!
We went to a counselor last week as a family and he reminded us that this experience has been a sacred one for our family. There have been things happen that we may never tell anyone, blessings from heaven that we may decide to keep to ourselves. However, I will never stop telling people that Heavenly Father is aware of us, all of us, all of the time. He knows us perfectly. And He blesses us according to His will and our worthiness. Last night for FHE we studied Elder Hollands talk from the October 2008 General Conference titled "The Ministry of Angles". He quotes this scripture from D&C 90:24 "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another."
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for our family, who has offered some kind of help, who has kept us in their thoughts. We are eternally in debt and eternally grateful.
We love you.