Sunday, February 8, 2015

Neglected.

When life gets crazy, something has to be neglected. It's better for it to be my blog than say, my kids, or my dog, or my husband. It was a spur of the moment thing that I decided to get on here and type and it feels good. It feels like home. It's been almost 3 months since I've last blogged and I'm just now realizing how much I've missed it.
I've had a lot on my mind lately. It seems like my mind just flits around from thought to thought like feathers in the wind (Forest Gump anyone?). I go from happy thoughts to sad thoughts to deep thoughts and then back to happy thoughts. I think I'm still dealing with emotions from the accident. When I think what could have happened and what actually happened, then I start to get depressed. Especially when I think of what I could have done to Trevor and what I did do to Trevor. It doesn't' make any sense to anyone but me. And I can't even try to explain. I am grateful though to be where we are at now. I'm grateful for my family, my ward, my patient children and husband. I'm grateful for Heavenly Father for sending us angels. I'm grateful for my Savior for sending us peace and comfort through the atonement. I'm grateful for the Holy Ghost for giving us inspiration to help make sense of things.  So when my mind wanders and I'm feeling remorse and sadness and regret, I try to remember the things I'm grateful for because there are innumerable reasons to be grateful.
We are all doing great. Anna and Stephen didn't have any long term injuries. Emily still feels pain in her back and is limited in the things she can do but she has a really good attitude. Joshua goes back to Primarys in a couple of weeks for x-rays and scans. I think it will be his last appointment. He's doing great. I'm fine. I rarely feel pain in my neck just an overall soreness that I'm quite used to by now. I grew a half an inch last year so that's pretty cool. But it was a really expensive half an inch and I wouldn't recommend it. When I think of all the hardware in my neck, it feels surreal so I try not to think about it.
It's been eight months today. Laying in the emergency room then, I remember thinking that they would just make the pain in my hand go away and we would all go home and everything would be back to normal. It wasn't like that as soon as I hoped for but it's like that now.
That's all for now...until next time, which I make no promises as to when next time will be,
Good night!

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